When I weighed 236 pounds it was so easy to lie to myself.
I told myself that it didn’t matter what I ate.
I still looked decent.
Who needs vegetables?
I knew what it felt like to feel good in my body.
It didn’t matter that I became out of breath just from walking.
Eating fast food 5-6 times a week (or more) was NORMAL, right?
It isn’t to so easy to tell those same lies anymore.
I ate like CRAP yesterday. TOM slapped me upside the face and then came back for seconds later on in the day. I hadn’t been feeling GOOD for a couple of days, but I just powered through. Yesterday was not pretty. I made excuses for not having any healthy food in the house (we hadn’t been grocery shopping for well over a week) and feeling bad to just eat whatever the eff I wanted.
I realized I am a different person now, because I managed to reign myself in. I didn’t binge. At all. I gave myself what I wanted, but I didn’t take it to the extreme. Looking at my tracker I obviously was craving chocolate and sweets (and pizza). But I only had ONE piece of the leftover pie the bf’s aunt brought over, and instead of a whole chocolate bar I had ONE pudding. And I picked out plain cheese pizza and didn’t eat the whole gosh durn thing.
But I have been feeling like crap all morning because of all of that junk. I am not letting it get me down. I’m back to where I need to be. Plugging along and going after these last 8 pounds.
This morning I forced myself to log everything I ate. FORCED MYSELF because I definitely didn’t want to see the damage. Before I would have just put it out of my mind and never really LEARNED from the experience. I wouldn’t have seen the damage until it showed up on the scale. And when you’re in denial about what you eat, you ARE shocked when you see the scale move up and up. ‘How am I gaining weight? I don’t eat THAT bad, right?
Ha.
2309 calories. Not great. Not TERRIBLE. That will probably be close to how many calories I will aim for when I hit maintenance.
I hadn’t uploaded my bodybugg stats lately so I did that as well and was SHOCKED.
I burned the most calories in a day that I’ve EVER burned…
I ate garbage food, but I still managed to have an 1143 calorie deficit!!! I went for a walk/jog yesterday morning, worked my booty off at work, and walked around the grocery store for an hour buying some healthy food last night. Plus, my brain probably burned off 1,000 calories with all the mean pms’y thoughts I was having all day. haha
I still had a calorie deficit and didn’t totally ruin my day. But more importantly, I’ve learned so much. I can have bad days where I feel like crap and don’t feel like eating well. I can bounce right back from those days. I don’t lie to myself anymore and I CAN face those food demons and be honest with myself.
These last pounds ARE going to come off. I truly believe that now. It may take me awhile, but that’s okay. 🙂
Oh and btw— I’ve gone over 3 weeks with NO DIET SODA!!! And my complexion has never been clearer!! I feel great. I still have cravings now and then, but I know I can live without it, and my body obviously does much better without it. 🙂