I have struggled SO MUCH the last few months.
Right now I am working on staying positive about being healthy.
It is very difficult to try and eat healthy and exercise when in your mind, you only see how hard it is and how it just really, really sucks to try and do it!
I know it is what I should be doing, and it has been so hard for me to find motivation. I think I have finally hit the point where I am starting to remember how GOOD I felt. Not how it has felt lately… like a punishment.
I have been going through a Lupus flare and working a LOT. It isn’t an excuse, just a fact of life right now. I haven’t had much energy and I try to sleep as much as I can just so I can get through most busy work days.
But, work will be slowing down now, and I need to take advantage of this time to get back into the groove.
It is also hard not to struggle with the mental part of having an auto-immune disease. A lot of it is totally out of my control, and not being in control of your own body is so hard to deal with.
Sometimes it feels like your body is betraying you. There are times I am doing. everything. right. And it doesn’t matter at all. I go through a flare, my bloodwork is all screwy or I have a new symptom. It is hard to not want to just give up. I just have to stay hopeful. I can’t give myself any other option. Right now, I am hoping for my bloodwork to stay somewhat stable so that I can continue to taper off this stupid Prednisone (which I have been on for over 9 months now).
I need to stay positive and remember that I can control my own actions, and that I can’t give up. I need to eat well and exercise because that is the only control I do have. I have the choice to do what I can control and I just have to leave my body to God.
I need to keep thinking positively and remember how I felt when I was exercising regularly and eating well. It isn’t a punishment, it is doing what my body really craves. It doesn’t crave brownies and cheeseburgers, it craves veggies and healthy protein! I need to get my booty moving so I don’t feel so lethargic and gross.
I need accountability too. It is so hard to live with a fiance who can eat whatever he wants, then when he gains a couple pounds, just exercise heavier and only eat 5 cheeseburgers a week instead of 6 and lose 5 pounds! I’d love to say I don’t resent it, but I do!!
Anyway. Enough blathering on.
I think I’m finding my way out of my rut.