Staying positive when you feel like giving up.

I have struggled SO MUCH the last few months.

Right now I am working on staying positive about being healthy.

It is very difficult to try and eat healthy and exercise when in your mind, you only see how hard it is and how it just really, really sucks to try and do it!

I know it is what I should be doing, and it has been so hard for me to find motivation. I think I have finally hit the point where I am starting to remember how GOOD I felt. Not how it has felt lately… like a punishment.

I have been going through a Lupus flare and working a LOT. It isn’t an excuse, just a fact of life right now. I haven’t had much energy and I try to sleep as much as I can just so I can get through most busy work days.

But, work will be slowing down now, and I need to take advantage of this time to get back into the groove.

It is also hard not to struggle with the mental part of having an auto-immune disease. A lot of it is totally out of my control, and not being in control of your own body is so hard to deal with.

Sometimes it feels like your body is betraying you. There are times I am doing. everything. right. And it doesn’t matter at all. I go through a flare, my bloodwork is all screwy or I have a new symptom. It is hard to not want to just give up. I just have to stay hopeful. I can’t give myself any other option. Right now, I am hoping for my bloodwork to stay somewhat stable so that I can continue to taper off this stupid Prednisone (which I have been on for over 9 months now).

I need to stay positive and remember that I can control my own actions, and that I can’t give up. I need to eat well and exercise because that is the only control I do have. I have the choice to do what I can control and I just have to leave my body to God.

I need to keep thinking positively and remember how I felt when I was exercising regularly and eating well. It isn’t a punishment, it is doing what my body really craves. It doesn’t crave brownies and cheeseburgers, it craves veggies and healthy protein! I need to get my booty moving so I don’t feel so lethargic and gross.

I need accountability too. It is so hard to live with a fiance who can eat whatever he wants, then when he gains a couple pounds, just exercise heavier and only eat 5 cheeseburgers a week instead of 6 and lose 5 pounds! I’d love to say I don’t resent it, but I do!!

Anyway. Enough blathering on.

I think I’m finding my way out of my rut.

3 responses to “Staying positive when you feel like giving up.

  1. hey this blog is wonderful, following you to see more posts.

  2. I seriously want to give up. The pain is so bad. It’s so hard to lose weight and eat right when it’s so easy to grab the fattening and “feel good” (to the brain) type food. The only things keeping me going right now are my husband, kids, and cats. Seeing Rheumy tomorrow. I imagine I’ll get more meds or new ones. I wonder if I’ll make it. I wonder if I’ll actually lose 50 pounds or more this year, keep my job (by not taking too much time off due to illness); not crave cake, cookies, mac-n-cheese, bread; be more financially stable; be in less pain? Why do I have to have SLE and Fibro? Why couldn’t it have been a curable thing, down for awhile, but up and at-em when it’s over? It doesn’t end. I’m so exhausted. Can I just stay in bed for a week? Please? 🙂

    • Girl.
      You are not alone.
      I’m sorry I just now saw your comment on my blog!! How are you doing now? I hope you will let me know how you are. Feel free to email me at defyinglupus a t gmail.com

      Write me!
      -Erin

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