On days like these.

 

I wake up and the first thought in my head is that my ankles hurt. My ankles. I haven’t done any running in days and I didn’t overdo anything yesterday. I even ate pretty healthily.  But, there it is.  My ankles hurt.

I start to move to sit up and my shoulder joints hurt.  My back hurts. I feel stiff like my body is made of wood and I should be creaking.

I reach for my cell phone and clumsily drop it. My wrists hurt. My finger joints are swollen.

I force myself out of bed.

And so the day begins.

On days like these I just want to lay in bed and just be.

But I can’t, and so I don’t.

There are two little ones who need me. Need me to be a normal mom.  And it kills me.  I don’t want them to see me cry into my husband’s shoulder. I don’t want to be so stiff I can barely bend over to pick them up.  I want to be strong when I feel so weak.

So I tell myself I’ll take today one step at a time.

I take some otc pain meds and I feel a little less creaky.

I pick up one of my little boys and feel his little arm wrap around me. He turns his little face towards me, looks in my eyes and I know I can do this.  I am fighting this, and he is one of the many reasons why.

On days like these, I may move a little slower. The house is going to be a little messier. My to-do list may only consist of: take a shower. But I remind myself why I’m here, and that people love me, and no matter what I don’t give up.

Just one step at a time, Lupie.


 

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