A Day in My Life (With Twins)

I’ve wanted to write this post for awhile, but I knew that it would require some serious work!  So without further adieu. 🙂

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I hear the boys over the monitor around 6:30. I am not a morning person. I struggle to get out of bed, throw my hair in a pony tail and snap this picture out the backdoor. The views of the sun rising from the back of our house are always beautiful. I almost smile, but it is too early. I feel like a zombie.

The boys’ room is downstairs so I go down there and heft them both in my arms (close to 50 lbs of toddler now!) and head back upstairs.

Breakfast time for the boys!

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I struggle sometimes with getting them to eat, so I feed them what I know will get food in their tummies. Breakfast is normally some dry cereal to keep them happy while I get everything else ready (Kix today), half a banana each and some toaster waffles.  We have tried a ton of different things (eggs etc) and this seems to work, so eh, this is what we will stick with for now.  Which is how a lot of things seem to work in the land of Twindom.

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Henry was unhappy, and required being picked up by Mommy. I don’t remember why now. This does happen multiple times a day.  See the big fat tear?

7:00 am – First diaper changes of the day.  I’ll spare you the details.

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I turn on the morning news while the boys play.  The laundry I threw in the washer the night before goes in the dryer.

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I watch as the boys play in ‘Their Drawer’ in the kitchen.  I have it filled with miscellaneous kitchen stuff they can’t hurt themselves with and I don’t mind finding strewn across the house.  They think they’re hot stuff because they can get into drawers.

7:15 finds the boys ‘helping me’ get food from the fridge to make eggs for Daddy and Mommy.

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And helping cook. Thank goodness for knob covers.

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The Lupie takes her meds.

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Eggs are done! Delicious, but not too appetizing looking.

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I gave up on drinking hot coffee in the morning because by the time I am able to finish it, it is cold. I feel if I start out with iced coffee, I don’t feel so sad when it is still cool 2 hours later. 🙂

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It’s 7:35 and the boys watch some Barney so A and I can eat!

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Breakfast is over for us, A is off to work. I make the bed. I find I always feel more organized and better about the day if I manage to get this accomplished.

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It’s only 8:10 and someone else needs cuddles. I oblige. Sad faces.

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Not pictured:

8:40 – Get the boys dressed! This normally involves me chasing them around a bit so I can catch them. Them wrangling them into clothes. Sometimes it resembles bathing a screeching, unhappy cat.

I sneak into the bathroom to put my contacts in (I can SEE!), brush my teeth and wash my face.  These 3 are essentials. Still no hairbrush used. Eh, oh well.

Time for a walk! Well a walk/run for Mama. 2 miles pushing these guys is truly a workout now! This was part of my cool down at the end. Sorry so shaky.

We’re back in the house and the boys are in their high chairs again, this time for a snack, at 9:30.  They act like I’m starving them and eat everything I put in front of them!  Fruit (which they will always eat) and half a breakfast bar each.

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After their snack the boys play and Mama cleans. Yay.

Dishes before:

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And after. The story of my life.

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Then comes Diaper Change #2 at 10 am.

The boys play while I…

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Fold the now dry laundry!

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Made beds also make for good clothes folding surfaces!

I’m a super fast folder and by 10:10 I’m sitting down for the first time since breakfast to watch a little Olympics. I try to ignore the mess that is the living room.

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It’s 10:30 and time to take the boys on their own walk!

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Think Hudson is ready?

He threw a temper tantrum because he had to hold my hand. I thought the terribleness came at 2? Apparently not in our household.

We are back by 11 for the boys’ lunchtime.

Again, starving.

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Lunch is pb&j. They will eat peanut butter or grilled cheese. God forbid I try to sneak some meat in there.  They get some blackberries which they gobble up and something else, but I can’t remember what now.

They get a 4 oz bottle of milk (I know, I know). 3rd diaper change of the day and then NAP TIME.

They go down without a fuss by noon.

Score 1 point for Mama for the day.

I scarf some leftovers.

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I do almost everything during their nap time as fast as possible because you never know how long they will sleep. Hudson is a great napper and I can count on at least 2 hours from him. Henry? It could be 1 hour, 45 minutes, 2 hours? No matter what I’ve tried, I can never really rely on how long he will sleep.

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Time to clean the kitchen again.  I wash the dishes and start the dishwasher. No after photo this time.

But there is a before photo of a dirty, sweaty me!

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It’s 12:20 and I decide to take a quick bath. I throw in some epsom salts as I have been particularly achy lately. 🙁  Lupus sucks.

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I’ve only ever half dropped my phone in the bath before. Don’t tell my husband.

And after! The boys were still sleeping at 12:45 so I did my hairs! Clean clothes! Everything! No makeup, but I don’t have anyone to impress today. 😉

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I do a few things around the house, trying to be as quiet as possible. I check email on my laptop and putter around on the internet.

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I find Henry sleeping with his butt up in the air all the time.

When they’re napping it is like I’m expecting them to wake up at any time.  I should have taken a nap because they slept for about 2 1/2 hours! Like I said, you just never know.

Again with the starving so they get another snack: raisins and Goldfish, their two favorites. (Not pictured)

Insert diaper change #4 here.

It’s 3:06 and I’m comforting another child.

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Around 3:15 I decide it is time to get out of the house so we head to the grocery store! Just to Aldi, and I hate running to get their carts so far from the parking spots and leaving the boys in the van so instead we take the stroller and a huge 21 bag inside.

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We hunt down mostly staples and head on out.

It’s too hot to be out.

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At least in and out of the van that fast. It doesn’t seem to cool down the trip there or back.

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I get help unloading.IMG_20160809_162234

I get the groceries put away and catch a breather around 4:30 and watch a little bit of Ellen while we all cool off and drink some ice water.

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The boys play:

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2,500 toys and the kid plays with an empty oats container?!?IMG_20160809_163551

Blue eyes.IMG_20160809_163557

Everything becomes a phone. I say, “Hello? Hello? Who is it?” at least 20 times a day.

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It’s 5 pm and it’s been almost 3 hours so you know what it’s time for? Eating!

Chicken strips, potatoes, green beans and strawberries. Though Henry has decided to become a vegetarian and spits out any chicken I try to feed him. Hudson takes after me and eats all the things.

Anyone else have kids that love to throw their cups on the floor?

Dada shows up during dinner and so afterwards it is playtime!

You should see their faces light up when they see him.

Tonight is bath night. Hudson looooves baths and keeps saying, “Basth, basth!” all excitedly. Mama gets stuff ready and just before 6 they’re in the tub.

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Henry was having fun dipping his face in the bubbles. We had fun laughing at his bubble facial hair.

By 10 after 6, the boys are out (by Henry’s choosing) and dressed in a fresh diaper (#5) and jammies.

I cuddle a crabby Hudson.  (Are we detecting the theme of the day here??)

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Then they get their night night bottles.

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Afterwards, another diaper change (#6, 12 diapers if you’re counting) and then we help them brush their teeth.

By 7 we take them downstairs and put them to bed. Hardly any peeps!

Laundry time again! This time washing.

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I take a longish phone call, A works out, then starts dinner.

Laundry goes into the dryer by 8!

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Then it’s time for Taco Tuesday (not intentionally).

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Turkey tacos, that is.

We sit down to eat around 8:15 and start watching the newest to DVD Divergent movie.

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We end up turning it off and watch the Olympics instead.  A is working. 🙁

I take a break from the tv and clean up some things in the garage.

Then I fold the laundry!

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This time I put it all away.

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Dishes for the last time today. Thank the Lord.

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All cleaned up and ready for breakfast tomorrow!

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It’s just before 10 and Mama takes her night meds.

I write this blog and then head to bed. 🙂

It’s not perfect, it’s not always pretty. But I love this life, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

And that’s my day! Hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into our world. 🙂

My Journey with Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

I had dealt with depressionpostpartum depression anxiety off and on throughout my life, but never like I have during this postpartum time.

Once I found out I was pregnant in August of 2014, I went off the antidepressant I was taking on the advice of my obgyn. We then found out we were having twins at our 12 week ultrasound! I had a few times where I felt down during my pregnancy, but felt it was best to just deal with it and I didn’t feel it was severe enough to go back on medication.

I had a healthy twin pregnancy and was induced at 38 weeks (which is considered full-term for twins) giving birth to two healthy baby boys. Little did I know how hormones and sleep deprivation were going to affect me in the months to come.

After stopping pumping/breastfeeding at the 6 month mark, I started feeling a TON of anxiety. Constant, niggling anxiety which just ballooned and made it hard to function. I felt depressed too, but the postpartum anxiety covered up my depression because it was so overwhelming. On the outside it showed up as anxiety (of course), irritability, lots of crying, physically being fidgety and tense and constantly telling those close to me how inadequate I felt.

If anyone knew the war that was being waged in my brain, they would have been amazed, because what was going on there was a million times worse than what was being shown on the outside. I felt like I was barely holding things together, and that any moment I was going to crack or explode and everything would just fall apart.

At the same time I was staying home mostly full-time with my twins and I continued to feel worse and worse. I was back on an anti-depressant, but it didn’t seem to be helping like it had in the past.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. At about 11 months postpartum,postpartum depression anxiety I saw a psychiatrist who was able to pinpoint what was going on. We started dealing with the anxiety first, and then uncovered the depression that had been going on all along. In my case they walked hand in hand and aggravated each other. The anxiety and depression I have dealt with since then has been so much worse than anything I have dealt with in the past.

15 months (today!) after delivering my twins I finally feel like I am on the slow road towards resolving some of my issues. I am so glad I am working with the physician I am, because it has been invaluable to find someone knowledgeable and caring, who gives me hope that I will feel ‘better’ one day.

I do feel like I fell through the cracks a bit… My OB’s office and my sons’ pediatrician’s office had me fill out surveys on PPD for the first six months, but not after that. Since I stopped pumping/breastfeeding after that point and my hormones REALLY started changing then, my more severe issues didn’t start until that point. I never felt like hurting my children or some of the other symptoms of PPD, but I did feel severely depressed and anxious. And just the other day I was reading that postpartum anxiety might be more prevalent than depression…. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/postpartum-anxiety-might-be-even-more-common-than-ppd_us_57742e48e4b0cc0fa13661c0?

If I could say something to postpartum women experiencing any depression or anxiety: if you are feeling depressed or anxious, you don’t HAVE to feel this way. There are people who are willing to help you, and you are not alone. It is not ‘normal’ and you can be happy again. It may take a little bit to get things going, so don’t wait as long as I did to get help. Reach out to your primary care physician, your ob, or a psychiatrist. Don’t be afraid to tell that person how you are really feeling. Hormones and chemicals in your body do crazy things. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You will enjoy your baby. You will enjoy your life. You can be happy.

You will smile again.

POP!

pop

 

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Need to know exactly what lupus is? Go to: What is Lupus

I’m Putting on Purple today, are you?

Fight.

I ran my third 5k of the year today. My objective was just to finish as I had a tough time at my last 5k. I finished, but it was tough!

I kept having to give myself pep talks as I went along. I tried to think of every mantra that would keep me going. I didn’t stop, I didn’t quit. I refused to not fight.

With lupus, we do this every day. Whether you feel strong or not, you are strong. Stronger than you know. Stronger than the average healthy human. You’re still here. You’re still fighting.

Lupus sucks. It makes for hard days. But we don’t stop. We keep going. We are going to keep going until they find a cure.

I didn’t stop today. No matter how slow I was, I kept going. I kept telling myself I was STRONG. I FIGHT.

Feel proud, you are a fighter.

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5k for a Cure!

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If you live in the southwestern Missouri area (or know someone who does) I hope you will join me this Saturday the 14th for Midwest Technical Institute’s 1st Annual P.O.P. for Lupus 5k Walk/Run in Springfield, Missouri.

Feel free to come and walk, or run with me and help raise awareness for lupus!!!

Check out the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/events/956642067718220/?ti=cl or sign up directly at https://runsignup.com/Race/MO/Springfield/MTIPOPforLupus5k. I hope I will see you there!!

 

-Erin

#PutOnPurple!

put on purple

 

Outside of the tv show House, most people have never even heard of lupus. We need to change that!! -Erin

Lupus is one of the cruelest, most mysterious diseases on earth—an unpredictable and misunderstood autoimmune
disease that ravages different parts of the body. Research shows lupus is more pervasive and more severe than people think, and has an impact that the public doesn’t realize. You can change that! Help the Lupus Foundation of America raise awareness of lupus and show support for those who suffer from its brutal impact.

On May 20th, Put on Purple™ to show your support for the millions of people affected by lupus. It’s an easy way to raise awareness about this cruel and mysterious disease. Learn more by visiting lupus.org/putonpurple and submit your photos at putonpurple.tumblr.com!

-From the Lupus Foundation of America